Hello friends and welcome to another, yet different, addition of Beauty and a Beard!
I’m going to jump right in and explain exactly what this post is about, and why I am doing it. Basically, I have been debating writing a post like this for a little while, but after seeing the odd post lately regarding body confidence and the effect it has, on males in particular, I have decided to just do it.
Now, being somebody who has always had issues with their own weight over the years and the feelings that stem from that, I felt like I would share my own personal experience on the subject.
I have always been a slim build, even from a very young age and being in high school. I would not say I was bullied over it, but obviously things would be said about how ‘skinny’ I was, in a ‘joking way’. Now being very short, as well as slim, was always going to be a battle in school. Especially when it comes to P.E, where I dreaded games of rugby as I knew I would always be wiped out if I received the ball. Add to that the getting changed afterwards etc, so it did have an impact on my younger years.
Anyway, skipping forward a good few years, say about 19/20 years of age, (I had grown by then obviously) I always felt very awkward about my size, basically I was ashamed of it. I didn’t like being tall and slim, I always felt very self concious, especially in public where I would think people would be looking at me. I would put layers of clothes on to ‘look bigger’, even in the warmer months. I got angry, I felt low, I just wanted to have more weight on me. So I decided to get myself a weight bench, get some protein powders etc, and just work towards building, in my head, a better me. And I did. I got myself from roughly 10 stone, up to about 13, which was a massive improvement and achievement as I really struggle to put on weight. I can eat like a horse all day long and never gain a pound. So it’s safe to say that I was happy, eating clean, and maintaining a steady weight. My arms were bigger, my chest was bigger, even my neck was bigger, which remained for a good 2/3 years. But for some reason I became lazy, slowly doing less and less training, to the point I lost all the hard work of gaining muscle.
Which leads me to this point in time. Again I’m just over 10 stone, even though I have been having bouts of weight training and eating well. Working long hours all week, it’s hard to fit in a workout at night, and I’m very frustrated at myself for not just cracking on and sticking with it. Especially when I’m back in that dreaded self confidence mode at times.
I’m not fully happy with my body at the minute, I have days where I get angry for being the kind of person who struggles with weight gain, but I try not to let it affect me as much as it has done in the past. I guess I’ve developed more of a (excuse the language) ‘fuck it’ attitude and realised that this is naturally the size I am. I don’t beat myself up about it, I don’t worry about what other people think, I just learn to accept it.
I think there’s a huge stigma when it comes to men and confidence, especially with their bodies. Men don’t like looking or coming across as weak. Men don’t like opening up about issues. Not just with this topic, but all kinds of things such as emotion, mental health etc. But the thing is, you’re not weak and you’re definitely not alone.
Obviously it isn’t just guys who experience body issues or a lack of body confidence, it’s women too. I think the best thing a person can do is try and learn to love themselves first and foremost. There’s no such thing as ‘the perfect person’ either. No matter how ridiculously judgemental the likes of the media etc can be.
There’s a hell of a lot of other people who feel the same. But instead of keeping things in and dealing with it internally, try opening up, talk to somebody, it can be a big help and you will be surprised at how big of a weight can be lifted from your shoulders just by doing so.
Don’t be ashamed to open up, and never be ashamed of yourself or of being yourself. You are who you are, and let’s be honest, the World would be a bit shitty if everyone looked the same 😉
I hope you enjoyed reading this post as much as I enjoyed opening up about it, and hopefully it can help others to feel even just a little bit better within themselves.
Catch you soon!
Beauty and a Beard.